Coffee and a Blank Slate!

Good Morning! This is my first blog post in Balanced View! I am so excited as I sit here with my morning cup of coffee and a “blank slate”. Let me start by sharing a little about me and my passion for writing. I will post my devotional blog as a second blog post today. As you will quickly find out, I tend to be a “little wordy” as my thirteen year old says. Even so, she constantly begs me to write more in my two novels that I am in the process of writing.

I have always had a passion for writing from a very young age. I can remember always loving to write notes to people, but that quickly turned into a passion for writing letters when I moved to North Carolina from Illinois. Moving away from all of my family and friends left me feeling alienated, but through letter writing I could keep those relationships fresh. I mostly wrote letters to my Grandma and to my “best friend” from fourth grade. My grandma usually didn’t send letters, but she would send cards and write little love notes to me to remind me of how much she loved and missed me. My best friend didn’t always write me back, but that didn’t stop me from writing letters to her.

Now, let me explain this whole letter writing situation between us. I would write a two-to-three page letter that we had coined “mini-books”. She would write a “note” about 1/2 to 2/3 of a page short. Usually I would send at least two or three mini-books before she would send a note, and sometimes I would send four or five to her one. Usually I would tell her almost every detail that I could think of along with asking every question I had for her while she would just answer some of my questions and tell me one or two minor details of her life. At the age of thirteen, I felt slighted and like she didn’t really care about me. Over time, I lost interest in writing her letters, but never lost that passion for writing.

Over the years, I would use writing whenever I was struggling to express myself verbally. It has always been easier to express myself on paper, but I was sooooo afraid to show anything I had written to anyone. I even used writing to calm down whenever I would get angry, and I still do that to this day. There is something about a blank piece of paper that screams to be filled up. Of course, I never share what I have written because it is usually just me rambling about why I feel a situation is unjust. If I get it out of my system, then I can calm down and look at a situation with a balanced view.

A few years ago, my husband and I were really struggling in our marriage. We were contemplating the D word, but neither one of us really wanted to go there. I had been working in retail with horrible second-shift hours, and that really was not helping our situation at all. In a church service one Sunday morning, I heard God tell me that if I really wanted my situation to change, I needed to change my attitude and trust Him. I told Him that I wanted to but needed help to trust Him. He told me that He would help me if I would let go. I was at a crossroad, and I knew at that moment that continuing to try to make things work on my own would never work. I let go and felt God was telling me that He was going to change my situation. Of course, my faith made me believe it would happen immediately, but our situation got worse before it got better. Even so, I kept coming back and reminding God of His promise to me: to change my situation for the better so I could serve Him wholeheartedly.

About a month later, I ran into an old friend at the mall. She asked me how my job was and I told her it was going, but I really needed a new one. I had been looking for about a year and a half for a full-time job but to no avail. She immediately told me about a position working for the other doctor in her office and maybe I should apply. I didn’t do it right away, but eventually I did apply. On the morning of my second interview, I got into my car and noticed a CD that my husband had left for me. It was Richie McDonald, and even though I had never heard of him, I decided to pop the CD in the player. As I often do with a new CD, I listened to a little bit of each song and skipped to the next one. When I got to track 5, I stayed there and listened to the entire song before going back to listen to it again. The name of the song is Faith. It was written by Frank Myers, Jason Eustice and Richie McDonald on 2/13/07. How fitting that I am sharing that here today, exactly 5 years later! Some of the lyrics are:

“When you feel like you’re forsaken and feel like givin’ up
When there’s nothin’ to believe in and no one cares enough

Faith gives you hope, Hope gives you strength,
Strength gives you courage to go on each day
When you’re praying for answers to things you can’t change
When it’s out of your hands, you hold on to faith

It’s the reason that a broken heart can mend
Why you can pick up all the pieces and learn to live again
You can’t see it with your eyes or touch it with your hand
But it moves through the soul of a woman and a man”

That song settled my nerves and confirmed to me that God was in control and I could trust Him. Well, I got that job and worked for Dr. Ransone for two wonderful years. During my time there, I was constantly being told that I should write. It started with a weekly word of encouragement that each staff member was responsible for. Often I would print off a daily devotional I had received in my email box. One morning as I chased the bus for my daughter, God gave me my first devotional. I wrote the devotional that day and shared it the next day because it was my day to share. I was so afraid but felt that God wanted me to share it with them. Everyone asked me if I had written it because there was no name attributed to the writing and I sheepishly admitted to having written it. Occasionally I would share something from God’s Word and my co-workers always encouraged me. Dr. R regularly reminded me that I was a good writer. One day one of my co-workers told me I should write daily devotionals because it was a gift I had been given.

Naturally I wanted to hide from that gift because I would never want anyone to think me arrogant in my gifting. I have struggled with embracing this gift since childhood, but 2011 was a turning point for me. God was teaching me to have balance in every aspect of my life. He continually showed me that balance is key to enjoying the life that He has given each of us. Everywhere I turned, I kept hearing “balance”, “balance”, “balance”, … When you hear God speak to you over and over, you have a choice to make. You can accept His assignment or run away.

When we do not do what God has gifted us with, we are out of balance. Have you ever heard a washing machine that is out of balance? It sounds like the entire machine is going to walk off. Believe me when I say that trying to avoid the gift of writing left me completely out of balance. I was constantly trying to walk away from God, but I finally realized that I needed to accept His assignment for my life after hearing “balance” over and over.

As I stated earlier, 2011 was my year of decision to walk in God’s gift or not. In May, my husband was told he would not have a job after December 31. He interviewed but nothing ever came of those interviews. Finally he was asked for a second interview around the same time that he was “involuntarily reassigned” at work. This meant that he would have a job beyond December 31, but as I told him, it was really the company trying to get out of paying him a severance since he was still there. Well, he went on that second interview and got the job meaning we had to move to a new community. That is why I left my job, but I also feel that I was beginning to embrace this idea of writing as my job. I felt like this was God’s way of moving me into this “new position”, and I am so grateful to Him for His graciousness in my life.

Yesterday, we visited a church in our new community, and the pastor spoke about God’s gifts in our lives through the platform of God’s “serving” grace. Something he said spoke to my heart more than anything else in the entire sermon. He stated that God doesn’t equip you with someone else’s gift. He equips you with the gift He wants you to use to help others. That spoke so loudly to me and I knew that I had to start this blog today. There can be no more putting it off. So, here I am welcoming you to my blog. As I stated in my first paragraph, I will share my devotional with you in a second post. As a way to welcome you to my blog, I will post that first devotional I ever wrote: Chase the Bus.

I can hardly wait to grab a cup of coffee with a new blank slate next time. Until then, look for God’s gifting in your life. Embrace it and know that He will empower you to do what He has called you to do!

In His Grace!